


dont' want to give you all my demons, you'll have to watch me struggle

by koganegawas



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Depression, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-03-09
Updated: 2016-03-09
Packaged: 2018-05-25 19:21:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 677
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6207358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganegawas/pseuds/koganegawas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>dan was a challenge sometimes. but who was to say that phil wounldn't take it? listen to “the run and go” by twenty one pilots while reading because i was inspired by that song :') (and yes, the title of this fic is a lyric from that song)</p><p>warnings: angst, (tw) depression, general sadness</p>
            </blockquote>





	dont' want to give you all my demons, you'll have to watch me struggle

**Author's Note:**

> get ready for some sad shit :-)

Living with Dan was amazing. They loved each other, had good memories together. It seemed perfect.

But living with Dan was also difficult. It was a challenge sometimes.

Dan had Good Days, and he also had Bad Days. And Very Bad Days.

Today was a Very Bad Day. Phil knew it. From when he woke up, he could tell.

Dan was up. Phil knocked on his door, asking a simple “can I come in?”

No response This wasn't too odd. Sometimes he wouldn't get a reply. But he needed to know the reason behind it. He had learned to ask, but not push.

“Dan? Are you okay?”

A sob. That was never a good sign. Phil prepared himself to comfort Dan. He wanted to film a video with him today, but he guessed that it wasn't going to happen. It was okay. That was okay.

“Dan? I'm coming in”

Still no response. Phil opened the door anyways.

Dan was spread out on his bed, hobbit hair a mess, eyes and nose red from crying. Phil saw another tear flow from Dan's eye.

“Dan?”, Phil asked, sitting on the edge of the bed. “What's wrong?”

Dan sniffled. “I-I don't... it's just a Very Bad Day”

“Do you want me to bring you anything? Breakfast, water...”

“No thanks”, Dan whispered as he let out another sob.

Phil knew that this is when he had to leave Dan alone. Dan suffered from severe depression, and it always went up and down. One day, Dan could be completely fine. Happy, even. But it would only go downhill from there. Sometimes Dan would yell “I hate you, I hate me, I hate everyone” for hours on end. He knew that he didn't mean it. Sometimes Dan would scratch his arms until they bled and Phil had to come bandage them. Sometimes Dan would cry so hard that he'd vomit in the toilet. But it wasn't his fault. It was a stupid chemical imbalance in his brain that made him like this. And Phil had to rescue him.

Everyone deals with sadness in different ways. Phil liked to go on walks, long walks all around town, looking at all the little shops and quaint little houses.

Dan's sadness is a bit different. Dan had to explain to Phil, one horrible night where he had a panic attack and he almost killed himself, that it wasn't sadness, it was anger and hopelessness and being so sick and upset and he couldn't. He couldn't take it.

And Dan coped by being alone. The windows shut, door closed. Absolute silence. He didn't like sharing his feelings. He needed to be alone.

And Phil let him. It was okay. It was okay.

But then he hears shuffling. Dan was up, then, which was unusual because he usually doesn't leave his bed if he was feeling like this. Phil quickly got up and found him in the bathroom, pills spread around him.

“You're taking your meds?”, Phil asked Dan softy, as to not startle him.

“I...”, was all Dan got out before he broke down.

Phil embraced Dan. “Let it out, let it out.”

“I can't”, Dan sobs. “I can't talk about this”

“Why not? Please, Dan.” Phil was pushing it. He knew he was pushing it.

“Because... Because I wanted to take all these pills and die, Phil. I wanted to die! And leave you! And-”, he cut himself off with a broken cry.

Dan was broken. A broken cry from a broken boy. Phil knew it. But that was okay. Completely okay.

And Phil would be there for him. Even if he was in pain, even if he did want to die. Dan was all Phil needed.

“Go to bed, Dan, you need to rest.”, Phil said, noticing the dark circles under Dan's eyes.

“Oh... okay...”, Dan sniffled again. He shuffled back to his room.

Phil sighed. Dan was okay, for now. And living with Dan was amazing.

Living with Dan was also difficult. A challenge. But who was to say that Phil wouldn't take it?


End file.
